Tag Archives: Constipation

Constipation Blues and it is icky

You walk into the little room feeling like a slave to your own body, you walk out from the little room feeling like the Queen of every freaking thing including your body.

The monthlies, as you all know come every single month. For those of us who are (1) females (2) not yet menopause:d and (3) for those of us who are regular.

Last month, I wrote about the hurting boobs. This month, I will do constipation.

A different freaking “PMS symptom” everything single month.

The whole week before the menses, you pee, like a zillion times every day, and in the middle of the night too. Nothing else happens in that little room. Well, sometimes, a bean drops with a splash, small like goat droppings, the happiness is overwhelming when that splash catches your ear.

You eat beans, no, not the splashing beans above, Heinz Chili for example, plums, greens in all shapes and forms, yogurt, berries. Everything that the “doctors” created by experience recommend. Nothing. Exactly nothing.

You sleep badly. You have a headache. You are close to annoyance all the time and it has nothing to do with too little sex.

You know the bloody-week is coming so you are not too worried about the causes & consequences of constipation, but you still wonder “why the hell does nothing come?”

You are eating like a pregnant elephant horse during this week. “where is all the food going?!” you ponder

And on D-day, you wake up pressed, and there is a little pain in the underbelly, some bloody goings on and you really have to go! You take People magazine, Time, The weekend edition, Popeye, that book your boyfriend bought you for your birthday, your phone to check Instagram jaa, I am projecting again etc.

This may take a while. You have been here before.

You walk in there in a hurry.

You lock the door so no-one can open that door by mistake. Not on this day. This hallelujah day. This glorious blessed day.

You set yourself up properly and begin the ritual you know so well. The screams and moans can be heard by neighbors & passersby.

Who cares though?!

“ooohhhhh crap!” you shout. “My lawd!”, “Yeeees”, “come on then!”

It is like watching a match that is both going as you want and yet not. It hurts a little bit but it is better than the opposite.

And there is a song about this crapping experience pun intended. Who Knew?! I should have that blasting in the little room next time this is the “symptom”.

Let it go! Let it go! Let it go! Let it go!
I don’t believe I can take much more
Let it go

Got a pain down inside
Won’t be denied
Yeah, every time I try
I can’t be satisfied
Let it go!
Let it, let it go!

This pain down inside
Just won’t let me be satisfied
Let it go!

Splash!
Feel, ah, I-I feel alright
Yes-ah, I’m beginning to feel alright now
Splash!
Yeah, yeah, I tell ya, everything’s gonna be alright
Splash!
Flush

Phew
Phew
Phew…
Feel alright