When facing a difficult week, here’s a poem for the soul: If, by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

The cliches surrounding how to live life without regret

Enjoy flowers, they are like life. Flowers with all their beauty shine like stars for a period of time. And then they wither. Yet, during their short life, flowers sustain the bees that spread the pollen that helps to produce the fruits that sustain all other life.

Live as if you wont wake up tomorrow. No regrets for the past & no anxiety for the future. Leave a legacy every day! Most politicians have never heard of that one either

Find people who make you laugh, who you feel peaceful & fulfilled around and who have your back. Keep them close. Toxic people will increase your stress levels. Stress does not improve your life length and it definitely doesn’t keep you happy in the present. This does not apply to those who love drama, if you re one of these, go look for your dose of drama to be happy.

Once you find these people, treat those you love as if you won’t ever meet them again. Thank you, please, I am sorry, a smile, a hug and best wishes does wonders. Don’t waste time on petty issues/situations or/and petty people. There is no time to waste! Every day with good friends & family is a blessing. Give & take with the heart & soul.

Fall in love and move in together! Damn, marry if it works for you. Optimism is good for you! Having someone to nag, impress and share the daily drill with is a lifesaver. Apparently, married men live longer & healthier by more than 5 years compared to eternal bachelors. Women do good if they have close women friends to fight with, gossip with and love. We are social animals and don’t do well alone.

Work is a part of life. Give work the attention & respect it deserves & then go and live the other parts of life. An idle mind is the devils workshop did not come from nowhere. Though science hasn’t found the devil in anyone’s mind yet, we all know that idleness doesn’t make us better people. Except when we are on vacation of course.

Don’t obsess about money, Money is to sustain life, not to govern life.  Donald Trump does not know this one

decide what you really need or want with your life & go for it!

find out what you are good at & keep doing it.!

Drink tea with honey! Lots of honey if you can handle it. Honey is good for the stomach and other things science can’t explain yet. Tea with good honey is like meeting a good friend who knows you well over & over again. And you can do it all your life.

Drink a glass of wine every now & then. Too much alcohol is not good for you, you know that already. Some alcohol does stimulate your heart and blood vessels. Ask the queen if you doubt me, she drinks some good wines though. Not cheap booze and beer. Trust me guys, there are few lovers/husbands/wives who “really like” a bear belly. Never mind what they said…”I will love you no matter what” excludes beer bellies, abuse & infidelity I think.

Girls sentenced to be raped for brother’s crimes. Really??! Seriousl

A all-male council decided that two girls, a 23 & a 15 year old, should be raped and humiliated.

Why? because their brother stole another man’s wife. It’s like living in the stone age!! In some places, women live worse loves than homeless dogs. Women are stoned or disfigured with acid for their own crimes. Women are raped and married off for the men’s crimes*. In some places, whatever a woman does, she can’t catch a break!

God, I wish I could unread that because that was annoying to read!!

moving on to nicer topics:

My maternal grandmother, Lia, eloped with her secret boyfriend, Reuben. They went to his parents’ house, had dinner, slept in his little hut, woke up the next morning and announced they were married. And then they left for the city together. That’s it! no bridezilla moments, no caterers, no banks robbed and loans acquired. Just declare yourself married and it becomes a fact.

2 years later, they married the traditional way, parents and relatives meeting. Dowry agreed upon. I know what you are thinking! Yes I do. You are thinking, “dowry?? Women are not for sale!” And you are annoyed. I am with you. only  I challenge you to keep your hat on and remember that this was in 1920, and we are not here to unwrite history. Atleast am not. We are here to  influence & drastically change the present & the future.

Anyways, over 50 years later, Lia & Reuben got legally married, not in church, just at the registrar’s. To make sure they got the papers they needed to own property together. Colonialism was over but papers were still an important factor if you wanted to “own” anything. Even a wife.

In my childhood, I heard lots of talk on how many choices, potential husbands, Lia had and how she chose the worst of them. Lia was apparently a beauty. There are no pictures of my grandmother in her youth so I cannot have an opinion on that. I can imagine she was pretty, headstrong and she definitely had one of the most wonderful laughs I have ever heard. She was 16 years old when they eloped. Reuben was 17.

According to myth, Reuben was the poorest, quietest and most adventurous of the choices Lia had. He was restless, the opposite of stable. So Lia and Reuben moved from the countryside to the city, and then to the coast and then to the west of Kenya. After almost 10 years and parents to 3 children, they went back to the countryside to build a house (not a home). This was done purely to please relatives. And they were back to moving around. Both of them worked all their lives.

I call it myth because Lia in her old age was adamant that she never had choices. My sister and I asked her why she chose Reuben and not anyone else of her many suitors. She answered that Reuben was the only choice she had and she took it. But she also noted that her family had several guys lined up as choices. Only problem? she does not remember who they were really, she never looked at them. Her brain and heart were preoccupied with the plans to elope. There was no space for anything else. It took 2 years to plan a simple elopement.

They eloped because Reuben the vagabond could not afford to marry her the right way. He and his family had nothing to offer. And they could not wait for him to amass wealth, because wealth would never happen to Reuben. Thank God.

In some places, Lia would have been stoned to death or burned with acid. or raped? And Reuben would be challenged to find another girl, of good morals (read virgin). Because the whole would be blamed on Lias morals, the lack of them.

Men are often expected to lack morals & forgiven, even celebrated for it. Women live & die to uphold their own morals & cover for men’s lack of the same. In many places still.

*Pity is, in some places, love easily escalates into a crime that could kill several women and ruin several lives. Sigh

Quidam vs the Victim syndrome

I saw Quidam for the second time when Cirque du Soleil was in Stockholm this spring. First time was at the royal Albert hall in London in 2013. Quidam went straight to that part of my brain where childhood & childishness rules supreme. Same place I have Tom & Jerry, climbing trees, Pink Panther, Sliding down the hill on my bum when it rains (that’s a dirty business), Twitty bird, Fred Flintstone and Hiding behind doors to scare family. I am digressing.

QuidamIn the imaginary world of Quidam, a girl is so lonely, she longs for parents, friends, family, anybody really, that can be available to and for her. She creates friends of all sorts to play with. Although she is so lonely, she does not feel like a victim of neglect. She is quite busy with life to be a victim of anything really. This reminded me of my best friend in our early years.

My best friend announced quite ceremoniously that her mother was sick. Me, very worried: “what’s wrong with your mother?” Friend: “she has the victim syndrome!” My friend then went on to patiently, albeit dramatically lay it down for me. Like in psychology for dummies. This was the first time I heard of the victim syndrome. I was just 14½.

Friend: “you see, a patient with victim syndrome thinks of how a situation is affecting only her/him. And the analysis ends there. People with a victim syndrome do not consider how they contribute to a problem, how they can neutralize a bad situation or how a bad situation is affecting anyone else.”

Everybody knows someone who suffers from the victim syndrome. Socially or/and professionally.

These are often the ones who ask “why me?” These are people who go on to tell you all the things superduperbirdthey have done right. And yet, the drunkard/abuser etc still does not appreciate the angel like personality of the victim. And they sigh in disappointment and continue to feel sorry for themselves. Sometimes, they threaten to leave, punish etc but they don’t follow up. So the problem repeats itself in 2000 different ways and the outcome is still the same.

This syndrome was so destructive, by the time we were 17, my friend moved in with us. To our family, where there was less victim syndrome. Because once I understood what my friend meant, I also realized that we had the syndrome in my family. Not as severe, but present nevertheless.

I don’t know who Hans F. Hansen is but he said: “People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” Pure Sherlocky stuff

Mothers, Murderers and Mistresses: Empresses of Ancient Rome vs #LeanInTogether

I watched  Mothers, Murderers and Mistresses: Empresses of Ancient Rome with baited breath.livia-drusilla

The first episode presented Livia, loved by Augustus, powerful behind the scenes. The argument was that history & men didn’t recognize Livia as a leader or influencer. And that was, according to the program, unfair. I expected to hear more of the power women have yielded and how this power has made the world a better place. Even though apparently, there was little power in women’s hands.

My thinking is that, during this era, there must have been many women in Rome who could influence politics, society and the economy. Rome was a city of 1 million citizens and there were definitely 1000 powerful married men.

Some of these wives, women, could organize themselves and influence the fate of women and society together? Because if there is one man who loves his wife enough to listen to her, then, my limited experience says there must be several men who will listen to their wives. The rule of the thumb, even in society today, is that we cannot all be leaders (presidents, ministers, managing directors etc or for that matter emperors and senators who effect policy). The art of changing societies comes from recognizing this, and doing our best to contribute to change from our lowly places. Women and all others who have an inkling of opportunity. Start stoning me now

Women are powerful in my opinion! We give birth to the boys who become men. 9 months of bonding. Boys love their mothers, which gives every generation of women the power to inspire, encourage & motivate boys so they become the men we need for the good society we need. Because as we women keep repeating, men are busy building careers and bad policies while women are busy raising children and fixing the home, therefore the family, therefore the society. So how come all our boys are becoming the men who don’t respect us, or give us a chance? It can’t be all men’s doing. Am on the ground after the stoning. Kick me now!

Because as a wise man once said, If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.

I am a believer of women’s rights and equality for all. And I like the #LeanInTogether model of thought as  #SherylSandberg presents it. Sheryl requests, begs & commands both women and men to take responsibility for the freedoms and equalities they desire. To change the society into the fair safe place we want for our children.

You’ll love this Japanese Doctor……when you take your next glass of wine

Question: Doctor: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Answer: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it….Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer?Take nap.

Question: Should i reduce my alcohol intake?
Answer: Oh no, Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

Question: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Answer: Can’t think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain: good!!

Question: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
Answer: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Question: Is Chocolate bad for me?
Answer: You crazy? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable!It best feel-good food around!

Question: Is swimming good for your figure?
Answer: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Question:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
Answer: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

exitWell…I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body. Rather one should should skid into the grave sideways – Beer/wine in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO-HOO’, what a ride!!!!!!! enjoy life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad that email got #emailSelfDestruct

Love letter to exIf this had happened just 5/6 years ago, it would have saved me embarrassment and shame. I sent a letter to the ex, via email. I regretted it immediately but it was gone. We never got back together, since there was reason for the breakup. OBVIOUSLY.  He showed the email to all his friends. Douche! I had to close my Hotmail account in a bid to pretend that I never sent that email.

So later. much later. much much later. when I said how much I was over him, all his friends looked at me as if I was missing 2 nuts in the head and needed fixing. If #emailSelfDelete was a fact then, the douche would have had nothing to show his friends. They would have thought/believed he was making things up. Which he was all the time!

Enough about me & a little statistics and BI.

Each able & willing person is sending on average, 50 emails a day. This includes children since children from ages around 8/9 are quite busy on mobiles and ipads as it is.

computer emailsYou don’t believe me? calculate for yourself and let me know! If you prefer, you can exclude the children.

  • Apparently, over 200 billion emails are sent every day!
  • We are a little over 7 billion on this galaxy. This includes children, old people who cannot use computer.
  • 1.9 billion are children.
  • Over 785 million are either totally or partially illiterate. Can they send emails?
  • Around 1.3 billion live in extreme poverty, so no chance they are going round sending emails?

I assume the extremely poor cannot afford the gadgets needed for emails to fly around, but what do I know? Look at Africa and the IT boom!!


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